too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize