I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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