omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
