it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
