Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
