Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
