I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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