Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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