there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
