The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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