Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
