I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
