I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
