I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
