I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize