It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
