the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
