i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
