Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
