Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
