i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
