could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
