hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
