I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
