i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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