I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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