Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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