I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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