Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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