Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
