She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
