turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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