operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
