you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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