The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
