I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
