We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My feet surprised me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
