Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
