if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
