I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
