we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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