Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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