Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
