I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
