Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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