Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize