How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Who died my cat blue again?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
