happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
