They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
