No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
