So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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