Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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