You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
