Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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