I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
tell me about the fingering
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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