bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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