i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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