I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
