This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
