I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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