It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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