That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
