im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize