i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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