Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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