Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
