those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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