Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Found your dick twin last night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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