i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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