Got a toothbrush?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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