I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
