areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
