I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
