All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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