R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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