Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
