I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
