he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
