How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
