my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
