I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
